Sunday, 12 May 2013

A 'Most Memorable Night'

The Flapper 

At the risk of posting this only for my own amusement;  here is a tale of one of the most interesting car rides I have ever had.

So, everyone has that person - you know, THAT ONE -  who occasionally wanders into your circle of friends. No one really knows how they were introduced to the group, and thankfully they don't manage to make it out very often because although they bring something special to the group, they are a hard pill to swallow. 

Our group of friends has adopted one who we have dubbed 'Talkkie' due to his inability to stop flapping his gums for more than the time it takes to inhale.

After a mediocre shisha experience at Free Time - Talkkie's choice, by the way - in Salamiya (The shisha was pretty awful and the service totally horrid, the atmosphere was more suited to couples than a big group), everyone was ready to call it a night. Upon finding out that The Oilman has recently acquired a vehicle, Talkkie asked for a ride. The Oilman, being the nice guy that his is, scrambled for any excuse not to take him and after coming up empty, obliged.


We graciously allowed Talkkie to take the front seat - abandoning The Oilman to his flapping ways. True to his name and reputation he didn't stop talking - at all. We tried various polite methods to get him to quiet down. At first, it was simple - The Oilman turned the music up progressively in hopes that he would just listen and enjoy - that failed. He simply talked louder and louder over top of the music.

It was around this time when I managed to give myself a head rush from holding in my laughter. I leaned forward with my hand over my face. I was sitting in the middle seat of the back, so this gave The Oilman a good view of me through the rear view mirror. 

The Oilman noticed and asked if I had a head ache in an I-am-asking-but-really-I-am-telling-you way. Upon agreement I said, "Yes indeed I do have a head ache."

The Oilman then suggested that everyone be really quiet so that I would feel better, as he turned the music waaaaay down.  Talkkie responded, "I'm only here to help."

That lasted all of two breaths and he resumed his babbling at nauseum in a whisper. Meanwhile Brontosaurus Legs and The American were using my back as a shield to their silent laughter.  We were all thinking HOW DOES THIS GUY JUST NOT GET IT?!?!

Possibly the most obvious method of attempting to get talkkie to stop came from The American. After my 'headache' ruse had dissolved in a fit of giggles, Talkkie returned to talking at full volume. To which the American interjected:

"Hey, let's play a game. Me and my mom used to play it - it's my favorite. It's called the quiet game. The first person to talk loses. Ready?! GO!"

The moment the American said 'GO!' Talkkie resumed his babble. The American then stated at full volume 'YOU LOSE!' Needless to say that Brontosaurus Legs, The American and I burst into full-scale laughter. Unbelievable - tears were streaming down our faces. I truly don't believe that any of us had laughed that hard or that long in a while.

All of our laughter caused The Oilman to miss the direction from Talkkie about the correct turn.  It was easily corrected, however, as we were in a round-about. Talkkie scoffed at our juvenile behavior and stated pompously to The Oilman "It's okay, you probably couldn't hear me because THEY were talking TOO much!" This caused another fit of giggles to erupt in the back seat - it was uncontrollable.

The American boisterously replied " WE WERE TALKING TOO MUCH?!?! OH MY GOSH." She was simply flabbergasted that he would make this statement - as we all were.

We FINALLY made it to his place - after taking us through the scenic route where he pointed out his workplace and EVERYTHING in between.

As he was getting out of the car, we were all sitting silently and he paused dramatically, with a big shit-eating-grin on his face said, "Well, thank you guys. It has been the most memorable evening!" As the door shut we all erupted with uncontrollable laughter.

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